Questions Before Having Kids
15 questions to answer before it is a decision you are living with.
15 questions · Free
How sure is each of us, honestly, on a scale of one to ten?
One phone between the two of you — the card says whose turn it is.
About Questions Before Having Kids
Questions to ask before having kids are mostly about logistics and expectations, not about whether you both like children. These 15 cover the areas couples usually assume they agree on — whose career bends, who does nights, what happens if it does not go smoothly — and often turn out not to.
Sample questions to get you started
- 1How sure is each of us, honestly, on a scale of one to ten?
- 2What is the timeline each of us has in mind?
- 3Whose career bends, and by how much?
- 4How would we manage financially in the first two years?
- 5Who does nights, and how do we split it?
- 6What does an equal division of the work actually look like?
- 7How much help would we expect from family, and is that realistic?
- 8What would we do about childcare and what would it cost?
- 9How do we want to handle discipline?
- 10What from each of our childhoods do we want to repeat, and what to avoid?
Show all 15 questions
- 11How do we protect the relationship itself in the first year?
- 12What happens if it does not happen easily?
- 13What happens if one of us changes their mind?
- 14What are you most afraid of about this?
- 15What are you most looking forward to?
Tap the game above to play through all prompts.
How to play Questions Before Having Kids
- Both answer every question honestly, in specifics.
- Split it across two evenings — this is not a single sitting.
- Write down every disagreement rather than resolving it immediately.
- Revisit anything unresolved a month later.
Why couples love this game
The decision to have a child is generally discussed once, in the abstract, and then everything else is worked out under sleep deprivation. Doing the practical thinking beforehand is one of the highest-value conversations available to a couple.
Tips to make it more fun
- Answer as you actually are, not as the parent you hope to be.
- Whose career bends is the question people skip and should not.
- Two evenings, not one.
- It is fine to not know. Say so rather than guessing.
Frequently asked questions
What should couples discuss before having children?
Timeline, money, whose career bends, how the work is divided and what happens if it does not go smoothly. Whether you both like children is rarely the question that matters.
When should you have this conversation?
Before the decision, across two evenings, when neither of you is exhausted. Everything gets much harder to think through afterwards.
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