Questions to Ask Before Marriage
45 questions worth answering properly before anyone signs anything.
45 questions · Free
How do you want money handled — joint, separate, or a mixture, and specifically how?
One phone between the two of you — the card says whose turn it is.
About Questions to Ask Before Marriage
The questions to ask before marriage are not romantic ones — you have those covered. They are the practical, unglamorous questions about money, family, children, work and what happens when things go badly, and most engaged couples discover they have assumed rather than asked. These 45 cards take a few evenings to work through and are far cheaper than finding out later.
Sample questions to get you started
- 1How do you want money handled — joint, separate, or a mixture, and specifically how?
- 2What does either of us consider a large purchase to make alone?
- 3What debt exists on either side right now?
- 4How much should we have saved, and by when?
- 5Who manages the day-to-day money, and does the other want visibility?
- 6What happens if one of us earns significantly more?
- 7What happens if one of us stops earning?
- 8Do we want children, and how sure is each of us?
- 9If we do, when, and what would change that timeline?
- 10If we cannot have children, what then?
Show all 45 questions
- 11Whose career bends first if they conflict?
- 12How would we decide about moving cities or countries?
- 13How much time each week is ours, alone, and non-negotiable?
- 14How much time with each family, realistically, per year?
- 15What do we do when a parent needs care?
- 16What is expected of us at holidays, and by whom?
- 17How do we handle it when one of our families oversteps?
- 18How do we argue now, and how do we want to argue?
- 19What does an apology need to include for each of us?
- 20What is off limits in a fight, permanently?
- 21How long is too long to go without resolving something?
- 22Would either of us go to counselling, and at what point?
- 23What does infidelity mean to each of us, precisely?
- 24What would be unforgivable?
- 25How much of our relationship do we discuss with friends?
- 26How do we want to handle household work — who does what, in practice?
- 27What does a good ordinary weekend look like to each of us?
- 28How much socialising is right, and what do we do when we disagree?
- 29How much do we drink, and is either of us uncomfortable with the other's answer?
- 30What role does religion or faith play, now and later?
- 31How would we raise children on that question?
- 32What did each of us learn about marriage from our parents?
- 33What do we want to do differently from them?
- 34What are we each afraid marriage will change?
- 35What do we expect marriage to change for the better?
- 36What does support look like when one of us is struggling badly?
- 37What do we do about health — do we push each other or leave it alone?
- 38How do we handle it if one of us becomes seriously ill?
- 39What are our wishes if the worst happens — wills, decisions, care?
- 40What does retirement look like, roughly, for each of us?
- 41What is a dream of yours I might be in the way of?
- 42What would you need from me in the hardest year of our life?
- 43What are you most looking forward to about being married?
- 44What are you most nervous about?
- 45Is there anything you have not said that you should say before we do this?
Tap the game above to play through all prompts.
How to play Questions to Ask Before Marriage
- Do this over several evenings rather than one long session. It is not a quiz.
- Answer with specifics — numbers, names, actual scenarios — not principles.
- Write down anything you disagree on and come back to it after a week.
- You are allowed to not know. "I have not thought about this" is a real answer.
- Finish each session by agreeing one thing, however small.
Why couples love this game
Couples rarely split over the thing they argued about. They split over an assumption neither of them ever put into words — about whose career bends, how money is shared, what a bad year looks like. Marriage preparation works because it converts assumptions into stated positions, and stated positions can be negotiated.
Tips to make it more fun
- Do not do this in the same month as wedding planning. It needs a clear head.
- If a question makes one of you defensive, that is the question to spend time on.
- Ask about behaviour, not values: not "do you value family" but "how many weekends a year at your parents'?"
- Revisit the money section annually once you are married. It changes.
- Nothing here needs to be resolved tonight — it needs to be said out loud once.
Frequently asked questions
What questions should you ask before getting married?
The practical ones: money, children, careers, families, conflict and what happens if things go badly. Romantic compatibility is rarely what breaks a marriage — unspoken assumptions about those six areas are.
How long does this take to work through?
Several evenings. Forty-five questions in one sitting turns into an endurance test, and the second half is where the useful answers are, so do not rush to reach it exhausted.
What if we disagree on something big?
Write it down and come back to it in a week rather than resolving it in the moment. Discovering a disagreement before the wedding is the point of the exercise — it is a good outcome, not a bad one.
Is this the same as premarital counselling?
No. It covers similar ground but there is no professional in the room. If a question here opens something neither of you can navigate, that is a reasonable signal to talk to someone.
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Questions to Ask Your Spouse
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