The Relationship Questions Game
30 questions about the relationship itself, not about each other.
30 questions · Free
How do decisions actually get made between us?
One phone between the two of you — the card says whose turn it is.
About The Relationship Questions Game
The relationship questions game asks about the thing between you rather than about either of you. Most question decks are really about the individuals; these 30 are about how you two operate — how decisions get made, how arguments end, who does the emotional work and whether both of you would describe it the same way. It is the most useful deck here and the least comfortable.
Sample questions to get you started
- 1How do decisions actually get made between us?
- 2Who apologises first, and is that fair?
- 3What do our arguments usually turn out to be about underneath?
- 4How do we know when something is resolved?
- 5What do we do well that other couples we know do not?
- 6What is the unspoken rule in this relationship that we have never stated?
- 7Who does more of the invisible work, and does the other person know?
- 8How do we handle it when one of us is struggling?
- 9What is the thing we keep saying we will fix?
- 10How do we treat each other in front of other people?
Show all 30 questions
- 11What do we avoid talking about?
- 12How do we handle money, and does that arrangement still work?
- 13Who compromises more, honestly?
- 14What has changed most about us in the last two years?
- 15What has not changed and should have?
- 16How do we handle time apart?
- 17What does support look like from each of us — is it the same thing?
- 18When did we last make a plan together and see it through?
- 19How do we handle each other's families?
- 20What is the thing about us that is genuinely rare?
- 21What would a friend say is our weak point?
- 22How do we handle being wrong?
- 23What do we do when one of us needs something the other finds difficult?
- 24How do we decide whose turn it is to be the strong one?
- 25What have we let slide that used to matter to us?
- 26What is the last thing we celebrated properly?
- 27What is a resentment either of us is carrying?
- 28What do we want the next year to be about?
- 29What is one thing each of us could do that would make the biggest difference?
- 30What do we both need to hear more often?
Tap the game above to play through all prompts.
How to play The Relationship Questions Game
- Pick a calm evening. This is not a deck for the end of a bad week.
- Both answer every card, and answer about the relationship rather than about your partner.
- Ban the word "you always" for the duration of the game.
- If a card produces a real disagreement, note it and keep going. Come back at the end.
- Finish by naming one thing each of you will do differently.
Why couples love this game
Couples review everything except the relationship. You will talk about the flat, the money, the calendar and your families, and never once step back and ask how the partnership itself is running. Setting aside half an hour to do that deliberately catches small problems while they are still small, which is roughly the entire trick.
Tips to make it more fun
- Answer with examples rather than adjectives. "Last Tuesday, when…" beats "you never…".
- Anything you both get wrong about each other is worth more than anything you agree on.
- Half an hour is plenty. This is not a deck to binge.
- Book it in every few months rather than waiting for something to go wrong.
- End on the last card. It is there on purpose.
Frequently asked questions
What is the relationship questions game?
It is a deck of questions about how the relationship works rather than about the two people in it — how decisions get made, how arguments end, what never gets discussed. It is closer to a check-in than a party game.
When should couples play this?
On a calm evening, not after a bad week and not mid-argument. It is best used regularly — every few months — rather than pulled out only when something has already gone wrong.
How many questions are there?
30, free and with no sign-up. Half an hour covers most of them comfortably.
More couple games
Relationship Check-In
A scheduled review of the relationship. Run it before something goes wrong, not after.
Deep Questions for Couples
Meaningful questions for the conversations you keep almost having. Not for a first date.
Communication Games for Couples
Exercises that change how you talk rather than what you talk about.
Conversation Starters for Couples
Openers that go somewhere. For the evenings when "how was your day" has already run out.
Questions for Your Partner
Works at any stage — six months in or sixteen years. Fifteen questions, no assumptions.
The Couples Challenge
Fifteen challenges over fifteen days. Runs in the background of an ordinary fortnight.